Things Never Go As Planned: How To Deal With It

‘Things never go as planned.’ Something we all have heard and experienced over and over. The Why part is quite obvious. Things change, right? Your situation changes. Your time, ability, money, expectations, relations and so on. There are a million reasons. Accepting it as a normal part of life is the wise thing to do. After all, we can’t control everything, in fact there is so little that we are in control of. But for people like you and me (I hope, since you are reading this) who live life by planning for the long term, it is quite a difficult experience that makes moving forward hard. You have some expectations, you make plans, invest your time, effort and resources and all of sudden, something changes and things take a different turn. For many people, planning is not even worth the effort because of this, so they live as they go (Works for some, not so for the majority).

Accepting or tolerating it is one way to deal with it. But we must give up on a long term future for ourselves just because things might change. I cannot recall where I heard the wisdom but it goes something like this: ‘Grow like a bamboo.’ Bamboo is a plant that is strong and tall but it is also extremely flexible. Its flexibility is what allows it to grow strong and tall. So, how does this help us? We must be forward thinkers and planners but also be flexible. Our expectation, our effort, our time, our options, etc. must not be so rigid that we paralyze ourselves and stun our progress. Here’s another piece of wisdom: ‘It does not matter which path you take to reach the top of the mountain.’ Meaning, as long as we achieve our goal, the way we did it does not matter.

Now then, the big question, how to deal when things do not go as expected? Well, the answer is simple: Flexibility, right? But how? Rather than specific steps or actions, a change in your mindset and habits is the key here. Here are the suggestions and guidance I can give you, based on my own personal experiences:

• Expect the best and prepare for worse

Our expectations are what drive us. Investing our time and effort on meaningless things is worse than having no plans. We need to be optimistic about the fruits of our hard labour. But again, things often do not work in our favour. When you expect both the best and the worst, you will keep your motivation going but also not be shocked or devastated when things go south.

Make plans to travel but also keep in mind this might not come true. You might not have enough money or time off from work or become sick or your family won’t allow it or a vast number of other reasons. Or maybe you will not be able to go to your desired overseas destination and might have to settle for something local. Keep every possible thing that might change on the back of your head. This will not only prepare you mentally and emotionally but might also help you make adjustments and avoid such problems.

• You are not in control of the outcomes, only your efforts

This is extremely important. I can’t stress how much pain and suffering I could have avoided had I realized this sooner. The only thing you are in control of are your own actions (Sometimes, not even that.) When your outcomes are dependent on other people, the worst pain you can put yourself through is by trying to control the outcomes. Sometimes even your best is overlooked.

You apply for a job, be on time, prepare the best resume, give all the correct answers, be extremely well dressed, and so on. Even then, you might not get the job simply because the interviewer didn’t like your personality or missed his lunch and now is angry or wasn’t feeling good that day. Call it luck, fate, destiny, whatever.

Only focus on doing what you can and do it to the best of your abilities. If things work out, then great. If not, try to recall if you did something wrong. If you did, avoid it in the next try. If not, forget about it and move on. I know it’s hard but that’s all we can do. Go out of your way to control the result and you will only waste more time, effort and willpower, not to mention the emotional and mental pain.

• You do need a plan B but not a plan C, D, E,...

Plan B always helps, right? It’s good to have alternatives. Having an extra option does not harm us. An option gives us more power and also helps us be confident especially when things start to fail; We do not have to give up just because that one thing did not work out.

You can make plans to travel to a popular overseas travel destination, say Japan, this year. However, if it does not work out and you had a plan B, say China or Korea, that’s still comforting. Now, if you start to add Plan C, D, E…, say Phillipines, Indonesia, India..., you are now entering into a cycle of indecision and confusion. If Plan A fails, what then? Go with Plan B or C or D. You see the issue here. This is not the only problem. Your expectations will now get worse by every plan. You ranked your destinations based on their best and worst expectations, right? If you end up picking Plan D or E, compared to Plan A or B, how worse would your expectations be? In the end, the trip will not even be worth it. So, what to do if Plan B also fails? That brings us to our next point.

• It’s ok to give up

Remember when I said what to do if Plan B also fails? Give up. Not expecting to hear this, were you? Who would say to give up on their goals? But one of the best lessons I have learned in life is to know when to give up. Sometimes things are not worth the trouble and effort. You might have heard ‘The juice is not worth the squeeze.’ If what we put in does not do us justice based on what we get out of it, is it even worth doing?

Remember about the thing I said about pain and suffering when I tried to control results? Well this is similar to that. I have suffered so much unnecessary pain just cause I was too stubborn and arrogant to give up. I would have saved so much of my time, effort, money, emotions, willpower, only if I had known it was time to give up.

Again, I do not mean give up just after one or two failures. But if you fail 5-6 times on things that took the next person only 2-3 times, you need to come to terms with the fact that it is not something for you. Even if you do get it right by the 7th try, you will not feel overjoyed since what you invested was so great that achieving the task or goal now feels like it was a responsibility rather than a victory.

• Don’t wait for the results

Another hard thing to do. After all, we are eager to enjoy the fruits of our labour. You expect the best and now you want to see the results. That’s very normal. But again, remember how I explain that the outcome is never in your control? When you wait for an outcome, especially one that you have no power or influence over, you are just seeking unnecessary problems and suffering. Here’s what I recommend. Do your job and once the result is in other people’s hands or not in your control, clear your mind to forget about it and divert your attention to other things or tasks. Let things unfold naturally once your task is done.

Let’s go back to our job example. You did your best and finished the interview. Now, you are eager for the results, which usually takes 2-3 weeks (some even longer). During this difficult time, you now expect all the good things you had in mind: a high salary, good career and so on. Now, if both your luck and skills were strong and you got selected, that’s great. But let’s be honest. How many interviews does a normal person have to go through, just to land a job? And how many more for the kind they actually like? Sadly, you find that someone else got the job. Now, all that optimism and high expectations come crashing down and that mental and emotional pain of failure crushes you. This alone clips away your confidence and self-esteem, making it hard for you to retry. Plus during all this time, you could have searched for more opportunities in order to increase your chances. Instead waiting for the result not only paralyzed you.

• Things will change and you must too

Make yourself adaptable. Things can change midway and you must plan or adjust your next move accordingly. You found out that the job you applied for did not have the salary you expected!? Either lower your expectations or find a different vacancy. You found that the popular overseas destination you were so hyped about, is not safe this year!? Find a different location overseas that is safer or settle for someplace local. That new smartphone that you saved your salary for has been sold out and won’t restock until another month!? Find a similar one with the same specs or find another vendor. Of course you can be stubborn and stick with your original intent but will the outcome justify the effort?

• Don’t get hung up on the process

This is quite a common habit. ‘My way is the only way.’ Even if you show people the full proof way to do things, their arrogance will get in the way. Of course a plan must be suitable to you, but it must be more suitable to the task or goal itself. Let’s go over an example to understand this better. Say you would like to improve your socialization skills and decide that an acting class is the way. Sadly, you found that there are no such classes available that are nearby to you. Instead of being stubborn and giving up on the whole thing, you can instead join a speech class or a language class or a book club where you can meet and talk with a lot of people. No matter the process, you can still achieve your goal. If you get fixated on only one route or process, you will not be able to adjust yourself in times of change or setbacks.

• Short term plans for long term vision

Quite a common advice while setting goals (Have a look at my ‘Goal Setting 101: Create Goals that are Practical and Achievable’ to be better at this), right? Achieving our goals/vision through small achievable plans seems smart. But that’s not all. The longer time frame you have set for something, the more changes you will encounter. If I have two tasks, one that takes a month and the other that takes a whole year, which task do you think will have a better chance of success? A lot can change in a whole year compared to just a month. Even a month is too long if you ask me. In a whole year, your financial condition, your health, your expectations and life plans, and so many other aspects of your life can change. So, making plans which have a small timeframe for completion will help you avoid or minimize unexpected events and changes.

You can make an entire career plan for the next year or two, which likely will not come true and go through a lot of changes. Or you can just plan for the next 3 or 6 months to advance your career, during which you will not face that many unexpected changes and hence, this will have a higher likelihood of success.

Change is natural and continuous. It’s much better to accept this fact and learn to adapt and be compatible. It is extremely necessary to be flexible while aiming for things and progress in life as we are often a small part or actor in that entire journey. We may be the most disciplined person ever but even so, we can not be in control of our own actions and emotions, let alone that of other people. Hence things will never go the way we would like them to. I hope the guidance and suggestions I have listed in this article will be of genuine use to you and will help you move forward more smoothly and peacefully. Lucky if you're reading this article, you can also use this app blueprint which I have carefully designed to ensure that the entire process of goal setting and planning is as flexible as possible. Use blueprint to set detailed goals, with deadlines and detailed Action Plans, that are also measurable and prioritizable.